Coming to an End

It is hard to believe that only six months ago I was walking across the stage of my high school graduation and now I am half way through with my first year in college. It is exciting but scary. I am definitely looking forward to break. Looking forward to taking a short break from my busy schedule and just have time with the family to relax and enjoy there presence. But it is scary because we are approaching finals and of course that is stressful and scary because you want to do good and I have to work so much that I am worried I may not do the greatest on the test. But I am trying to stay positive and take all the extra time I can to study so that I be sure to do good on my test. I cannot believe this semester is coming to an end. Only a few more days left in class. It is so crazy. I do wish everyone the best of luck on their finals and a safe Christmas break and the best of luck next semester and the rest of our lives.

Multigenre confusion

I am really excited about this assignment. It is going to allow me to be more creative and it is not just a boring old paper that you have to write all the time. It is taking the paper and making it interesting and more enjoyable for us. The only thing that is hard for me is coming up with something to write about. I have different ideas of what I want to do and I have changed my topic idea more than once. I started on my paper during the free writing and stuff but now I just am not sure if I still want to do that topic or if I want to do another one. And if i choose to stick with this topic, do i want to broaden it up and do the assignment over my entire summer in Florida or just specifically over being there for the birth of Will? If i do just the birth of Will am I going to be able to use that to do and come up with enough topics? I know that if I do the other topic that I am thinking of and do my experience with being engaged and then my ex hitting me with a bat and putting me in the hospital that this assignment will be a piece of cake. But honestly, I like things that are more challenging. All I know is sooner or later I need to pick a topic and stick to it. Preferably sooner rather than later. Does anyone have any opinions on which topic they think I should do?

My freshman year (so far)

I can not believer I am already almost half way done with my freshman year here at Ball State. It just seems like not that long ago I was graduating high school and walking across the stage. This year has been stressful. Between learning how to balance my school and work and still trying to make time for friends it has been a lot. I am glad that my friends are understanding. It has proven to be a lot. I thought coming into college I would be fine. But it has been hard. I went from getting all A's in my senior year of high school to struggling big time in some of my classes in college and getting A's, B's, C's and even a D or two. But i have learned to not be way too hard on myself and just push myself to work harder or ask more questions. I am about 1/8th of the way done with college and that much closer to my future career.

depression

About a year ago or maybe a little less than a year ago, I went to the doctor for my yearly check up. When I went to the doctor I also planned to ask about getting on some type of depression medicine. Both my mom and dad suffer from depression and I had noticed my depression was getting worse. I had no idea how to stop being depressed and get out of my depression. When I talked to her about it she told me she was not going to put me on depression medicine cause she had hoped that I could deal with it on my own and not have to rely on medicine. I was really upset because I did not know how to handle or deal with it and I wanted help from depression medicine. The reason I am mentioning this is because for about a week to two weeks now I have been really depressed and I am not clearly sure why. I still don't know how to handle it and deal with it. Because I have been depressed I have went days without eating cause I have not felt like eating. I know that is not good for my body but anytime i try to force myself to eat it makes me sick. i don't want to have to rely on medication I want to make myself better but at this point i am so far into depression that i have no idea how to help myself and get out. I try to talk to my best friend and that helped me a little bit yesterday but then the depression gets worse and comes right back. I am looking to the internet now for advice on how to get over depression and I hope that I find something soon before this depression completely takes over my life.

The Bad News

Yesterday, October 26, 2010 I woke up thinking it was going to be a good day and that I was going to have a good day. I was able to get someone to cover part of my shift at work so that I could go to my sister's choir concert. However, what started off as an optimistic day turned into a really hard day. And it was not a bad day because of the weather or because i was stuck in a basement full of people that annoyed the crap out of me. It turned into a bad day because sometime between 11am and noon I received a text message from one of my Aunts. She went to the doctor and they found 4 tumors!!! That is a lot of tumors. I have heard of people finding one but never more than one at a time. As of right now they are not sure if its cancer and they are not sure if they are going to be able to do anything for her. Her doctors said there is a really good chance though that it could be cancer. As if that news was not enough, literally a few hours later I received another text message, this time from my grandma. She told me that doctors had found cancer in my great grandma. Now my great grandma and great grandpa are my role models. They are who helped make me who I am. They took me to church and got me involved. When I was having rough times they were there and always showed me so was God and that if they were  not there at the moment that I was never alone. Now both of them are in a nursing home neither of them doing the greatest. We have no idea how bad the cancer is yet. It is sad to say but unfortunately because my great grandma has had bad health for so long now I am just kinda preparing myself and waiting for the text or call saying she has past away. Getting all t hat bad news really made my day hard and rough. I sat in my dorm by myself and just cried when my roommate was in class. I just keep praying they caught the cancer early enough in both of my relatives that something can be done and they can get help. But I also know that in the event they can not help them and we lose them soon I know I will never be alone thanks to my great grandparents.

Group Research So Far

So far for our research I have fond a few sources and facts that I plan to use in my paper and that we could use in our presentation. We have all discussed our group proposal and we split  up the parts of our proposal so that each person on our group can have an equal part and responsibility in our group proposal. I have already done my part of the proposal for tomorrow. I am not too sure on all the progress my group has made but I have kept up my part and done the research and my part of the proposal. I am waiting to see if anyone else in my group decides to do their part in the proposal and if not I will do it tonight too. But this is the progress of our group proposal and research as of today.

Research Paper Progress

So for today's blog we are suppose to write about the progress of our papers that we are suppose to do with a group and by ourselves. Well I had to miss class Wednesday because of a midterm that I had to take and that was the only time available for that day. Due to the fact that I missed class  I have no idea what is going on with the paper. I do not know who is in my group or nothing. I tried emailing Dr. Hartman to ask him  about what is going on with the paper and group stuff and tried asking a few fellow classmates but nobody that I contacted including the teacher bothered to get back to me. Therefore, I have not done any research, not picked a topic, have no group, do not even understand the assignment or nothing. i know it is my responsibility but when nobody will help you understand what is going on what are you suppose to do? This assignment is a disaster for me right now  and I am worried I may end up failing this assignment something I do  not do and can not afford to do.

Midterms

As we all known our midterms are coming fast. Mine are all next week. I am freaking out about them. I just get so anxious when I take tests and I sometimes freeze up. I never do that super on tests. I am the type of student that doesn't like to get C's because to me it is failing. If I do bad on my tests I will probably cry because they will bring down my grades. Right now I have all A's but two and those are B's. At least I have two days off this weekend that I can use as study time to prepare for my tests. I hope everything works out and turns out and I do good on my midterms this coming week.

This is getting old

Almost a month ago my best friend and I were in my car heading to pick up a friend of mine in Alexandria. We were all going to go to the Ball State game that night. I had to pick my sister up from school and take her to my grandparent's before I left though. I picked my sister up from YHS and headed back to Muncie. We stopped at a gas station so i could get gas and put some oil in my car. After I filled my car up with oil we drove away and my car started to blow smoke from the back big time. My car also wouldn't drive very well i had to push all the way down on the gas pedal to get it to do anything. Luckily my best friend lived down the road from my grandparents so I went to pick her up. Then we went to EARL'S  to see if they could tell me what was wrong with my car.  They told me my car was not drivable and I 'd have to find a way home. Luckily my step dad was right down the road so he picked us up. My day was suppose to be fun and exciting and it turned awful. He dropped my friend and I off at the game anyways. We went to the game and had a good time then went to Bdubs with my aunt and her boyfriend Jason. We hung out with then for a while. About a week later after getting into it with my dealership i bought  the car from my car was towed back to where I bought it from. Well I was told at first that it was a timing belt issue. I later received a call saying they did not know what was wrong with it. They ran a diagnostic test and found that it was my engine that needs replaced. Great that's going to cost sooo much money. Its been two weeks and I have not heard anything from  anything. I have called and called and called asking them to tell me something but they never call back. I am really getting sick of this place. My mom knows the owner of my car dealership. So she talked to him directly the other day and told him we needed to know something. As of right now I am still making car payments on a car I don't have and can't drive. I think that because I am still making payments the least they can do is tell me whats going on. Chad, the owner. told my mom that Jim is looking for a motor for my car. Ok! Great at least I know something is going on! But first off why can't they tell me why do we have to get the owner involved in order to get anything solved. Its stupid and shouldn't take all of that. So anyways I basically found out that I am still going to be without a car for a while. It is not a big deal to me because I walk to my classes and stuff it just sucks not having the car because i work about 5 to 6 days a week. Most nights I work I close which means I get off around midnight sometimes later. If I don't have a ride home then I have to walk. I have to walk from Fazolis on McGalliard back here to my dorm. Its at least a 40  minute walk. And a girl walking alone that late at night is scary. I don't mind walking to work when its broad day light but walking at midnight sucks. This whole not having a car thing is really getting old. And receiving this news is just the icing to the awful week I have had.

Life can be difficult

Back in April i went through an experience that i hope nobody else has to go through. I was hit with a baseball bat by the guy I was living with and engaged to. I was put in the hospital. Since then my life has had its up and downs. I know that us not being together is the best thing. I know that it just was not meant to be. But there are moments where I get sad. Tonight I was sitting with my roommate and we were talking about our ex boyfriends showing each other pictures. I was looking at pictures on my mom's facebook when I noticed she had pictures of the guy that hit me. They were pictures of us at my junior prom. I started to grow through the pictures. We looked so happy and then for some reason I started to think why? Why and how did we go from being so happy to him hitting me and putting me in the hospital. I started to cry and think about the past. While I am happy with my life and love who I am with now that experience still had an impact on me. I guess i am just not fully over it like I thought. Will I ever be able to look at pictures of us and not cry or care. I sure hope that one day I will....

My Aunt Kim

I have two Aunt's that live down in Florida. Usually we always go to Florida during our Spring Break but this year we were not able to. My Aunt Vicky came down over Christmas but my Aunt Kim was not able to. It has been a year since I have been able to see my Aunt Kim. she finally was able to get some time off from her job though and come visit. Last night around 10 p.m. my Aunt Kim and her boyfriend got into Indiana and stopped to stay in a hotel. They are going to arrive here in Muncie about 11am and I can not wait. It stinks though because I have class then after my classes have to go right into work so i am not going to be able to spend time with her or really see her today. I took Thursday and Friday off though hoping to spend time with them. They are only here until Sunday so my only chances of seeing them will be Thursday and Friday because I work every other day. I am so excited to have my Aunt Kim here. I love her and have missed her so much!

My Labor Day Weekend

Most people looked forward to the 3 day weekend but not me. At first , yes I was looking forward to it but then on Thursday, the day of our first BSU football game of the 2010 season, things went badly and i know it would ruin my weekend. I found out that my car was shot. No longer drivable at all. I need a new water pump, timing belt, and timing belt component. So I had to leave my car at the shop and I have to find a way to come up with the money to get it fixed. Well my step dad showed uo and took my friend and I to the game so we did not miss out. Then at the game we sat in part of the student section. Right in front of my best friend and i was this guy who by the middle of the second quarter threw up everywhere because he was so drunk. It was nasty and made me want to gag. Once half time hit we moved to the lawn to watch the rest of the game. Then after the game a few of us went to Bdubs where I tried these nasty wings and ended up wasting money on them because i only ate like 3 wings. My friend was going to stay the night with me Thursday night but they would not let her stay in my dorm so we had to call and find another way for her to get to another friends house. Then Friday I had a mirgraine almost all day. I also had to stomach flu or something like that because I was very sick and throwing up and running a fever. I stayed sick in bed all day Saturday and could not even really est. Sunday I forced myself to get up and go to work. I walked 30 minutes to work and had to run the shift and store from 11am to about 9pm. It was crazy. My manager that was closing at night decided to just disappear at one point leaving me to run the entire store by myself. I was running back and forth like a chicken with my head cut off. After work i went and stayed at my aunts house and took my laundry with me. My youngest cousin kept whining and was being a spoiled baby all day Sunday and Monday. Monday got a little better because we went to my great grandparents and got to see the family. It was a bitter sweet moment because my great grandparents are sick and we have to put them in a nursing home so this cookout was also a meeting to decide what would happen with them and their house. My labor day weekend was nothing exciting or as good as i thought and was hoping it would be. I am really glad to be back in school and into the swing of going to classes.

My job

I currently am employed at Fazolis here in Muncie. I have been working there for almost two years. it is very crazy there. Currently, I am working on getting promoted to shift leader which is a type of management position. It definitely makes life crazy and stressful. I usually go to my classes then have to rush back to my dorm rush to the stadium and rush to work and then i usually close. I do not get home form work til sometimes 1 am and then stay up and do homework. College is definitely stressful and a lot harder now that I am training for this position. But in the end it will be worth it! Better pay which means more money and we all know as college students we need the extra money any chance we can get.

Over the weekend I went to my little sister's birthday party. I can not believe she is 10 already. She is growing up so fast. She is growing up into this wonderful young lady and I am so blessed to be her older sister! she makes me want to be a better person and role model for her each and everyday.